Saturday, September 3, 2016

Editorial: Skeletons In The Closet

The secret shame of every hobbyist...those unopened boxes and unpainted models.

Inspired by a thread on my local meta's website, thought it might be of interest to talk about one of the symptoms of our plastic crack addictions.  Not an addict?  Time for a reality check my friends...I will start by opening my own stash.  I have two Drop Pods and half the Renegade (1 Imperial Knight) box to build; all sit on sprues in boxes.  Next up are two Predators that need to be primed.   I have a Ghostkeel and a Stealth Team to paint; both are primed.  That's it.  I suppose compared to some of my friends, I am pretty clean right now (read on to find out how this story ends?).  But let's do that check up and see where you stand.  We'll start with the most "completed."

Primed Ready to Paint:  How are you doing in this category?  I would consider this the least level of plastic crack addiction.  Your models are ready for that final step; moving from primed to table ready.  Strangely enough, for me this is the most difficult step in the process to complete.  I have built and primed around 40 figs in a single weekend...two full broods of Hormagaunts when I was a Nid player.  I dare not say how long it took to actually get them painted and based.  I will say that a lot of other bugs got built and primed before that occurred. now I have even more models to get painted and based.  But at least I got the others this far, right?!  Oh wait, how long is it going to take to get 40 Hormagaunts, 20 Gargoyles, 20 Devilgaunts, 20 Termagaunts and 2 Mawlocs painted?!  Sigh...

Build But Not Primed:  You have a least put glue to plastic (or metal, or resin), right?  Good for you.  You can actually put together plastic/metal/resin models.  But how long did that take?  How long have those models been sitting in boxes, gathering dust, rodent droppings and who know what else?  Now here comes the question you don't want to long will it take for these models, now built, to get primed?  Even worse, how long to get them ready for the gaming table?  Then comes the greatest fear of all; when will GDub drop the next round of plastic crack?!  Hopefully they'll hold off until I get these guys primed and painted (dream on, fellow hobbyist!).

Let's take a bit of a break and call out who's really to blame here.  Yeah, GDub, I'm talkin to YOU!  Here me and fellow hobbyists sit, having just purchased some of the latest and greatest plastic crack.  We are doing some planning/time management to figure when we can get these newest boxes of army men to the tabletop.  Those two boxes of Skitarii Ironstriders will be ready for battle in two weeks...tops...guaranteed.  Oh wait, I haven't checked the Interwebs today.  Dramatic pause...wait for it...OMG!  Another book of Space Marine formations?  New flyers?  More Chaos Space Marine add-ons?  New Eldar and hold it...does that say Deathwatch?!  I'm doomed.  I'm freakin' doomed!  Thanks a lot GW.  For not even giving a few weeks of breathing room...this is all your fault (the addict says as he retreats into total and complete denial of his problem).

In The Box:  OK.  This is the climax of our sad, plastic crack addiction story.  Go ahead.  Look at them...I said look at them!  All those unopened boxes of models you just had to have right now.  Not next week.  Not next month...NOW!  And where did that get you?  Scrambling for more shelf space.  Finding a cabinet somewhere to make room for the next wave of Grimdark plastic madness.  Admittedly, before I worked in a mad rush to get some stuff done this summer, I had 10 unopened boxes.  Two Mechanicus Electro-Priests, a Ghostkeel, two Stealth Teams, two Predators, two Drop Pods and the Renegade box set.  It took an incredible sacrifice of time and energy to get my box count down to three.  I know your pain my brothers, I know your pain.

The ending to this story?  For me, it is tragic...just as it is for you.  There is no ending!  Don't you still need something to complete that never to be completed list of models?  I "only" need four more Skitarii units to complete my War Convocation.  Oh wait, and I still need another 10 Assault Marines and a Predator to round out my Iron Hands.  And wait...wouldn't a Malleus Kill Team with a Librarian be great to have around?  That Corvus Blackstar looks pretty dope too!  I mean, just a few (more like a dozen) more boxes.  Hold on...reality check.  Don't I already have like seven other units that need to be built, primed or painted?  But if I get these new models, I could just commit a weekend and get the others done so I would have a clean slate to start on the new ones.  Oh wait...don't I have to do something with the family this weekend?  That's OK.  It just means I'll have twenty (yes, that's 20 with a zero) units in the queue instead of seven.  That's still doable.  Sure.  I can handle it.  It's not a problem...

I love my hobby wife...I mean life.  How much stuff are you sitting on?  What's going to be new in your queue?

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